Dec. 17, 2025

Child's Play

Child's Play

When Gary’s son refuses to sleep night after night, he finds parenting inspiration in the most unlikely of places: yes, the Chuckie doll from the horror movie, Child’s Play.

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Jo & Morgan

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To the restless, the insomniacs, the stressed out, the worried,

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and the board. This is for you. Welcome to Anxiety

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Addicts Bedtime Stories, an original podcast by Joe Newman and

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Morgan Walsh, serving up hot, mostly true, twenty minute stories

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to turn off your brain and turn on your ram.

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The stories come from all over the Internet, whispered late

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at parties and from you to the bs inbox. But

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your secrets are safe here. All names have been changed

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to protect the guilty. So please sit back, relax, and

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send us your stories at the link in the show

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notes and sweet Dreams.

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Do you guys remember those refrigerator quote magnets that you'd

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find in the nineties and like some little Chinsey store

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and it would be like believe in yourself and there's

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no how hi you can go and shit like that.

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And I was thinking about this one today while I

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was procrastinating that it was like, love what you do

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and you'll never work another day in your life. And

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I was like, I love what I do and it

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still feels like work. And I was procrastinating all morning

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coming and I don't like my hair like this. I

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don't like I'm kind of overlooking at myself. I think

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is the truth of the matter. You know, maybe you

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don't know this, but I was an actress, a struggling actress,

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a trying to be an actress. I stopped quite a

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few years ago, which is a good thing, because my

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time was up. In fact, you could argue that my

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time never happened, but there you go. And then Morgan

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and I started telling these stories. So, if you're new

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to this weird little corner of the Internet, welcome to

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Anxiety Addicts bedtime stories where we take stories from all

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over the world and our inbox and weird viral stories.

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Things that are funny or embarrassing, are ridiculous or horrible,

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but we give them a happy ending as a way

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to help you turn off your brain and sort of

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disengage from reality. Because Reality Bites. If you need to

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go back and find a great movie, Reality Bites is

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still a great movie. And we watched Don't Tell Mom

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the Babysitter's Dead last night, and that is also still

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a great movie. Massive shout out to Christina Applegate and

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the woman who played Rose so good. Underrated. This is

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a story that has a little bit of nineties nostalgia

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or a lot. I think maybe the movie came out

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in eighty nine, eighty six, and it is about a

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boy who Psyche was shaped by the movie Child's Play.

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Remember Chucky, the crazy, freaky doll that haunted all of

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our nightmares that one. So sit back, relax, unplug. I

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hope you like the story. I think it's hilarious. Morgan

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and I wondered at one point if it made the

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dad sound like he didn't love the sun, but we

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actually decided he was just the best dad out there

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and that we could all take some parenting advice from

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this guy. So I hope you enjoy this one. It's

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called Child's Play. Gary had enough with the late night

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horseshit because in Gary's life he dealt with literal horseshit

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in the mornings. The late nights involved his children, one

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child in particular, it hadn't been days or weeks or

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season's girl, that had been years, and those years felt

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like they were taken a toll on the youthful vibe

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that he was regularly complimented on, and that annoyed Gary

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because he liked being complimented. He also liked feeling young,

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and he wasn't blaming the calendar or the sun spots

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he was blaming Joey. Joey was the youngest son in

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the most trouble, especially after the sun went down. Gary

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should have known. The night that Joey was born, he'd

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had two cows calve and the windstorm blew out the power.

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Any farmer will tell you that a night with screaming

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bow vines isn't the most relaxing welcome into the world.

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Joey was a smart and precocious child. Gary didn't mind

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either of those things. Joey was into building projects with

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the bits and bobs you found around the farm. Often

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those projects were admittedly well made booby traps. Joey would

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hide behind the couch and laugh his ass off at

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any and every family member who walked into his contraption. Surprisingly,

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Gary didn't mind this. He didn't mind the elaborate stories

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that Joey would tell at the dinner table, or the

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fact that his youngest son regularly left the chicken gate open. No,

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Gary was pretty chill with all of this. What really

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ruffled his feathers was the fact that his eight year

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old kid would not fucking go to bed. How is

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he not tired? Gary would drawl to his wife as

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he clicked off the TV, the pitter pattering at footsteps

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audible to everyone awake in the creaky house. Your turn,

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Sandra would reply. She insisted that she was done mothering

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at eight pm and that everyone in the Fetterhorn house

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better have their yah yahs out then, because she wasn't

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gonna deal with it. This made the seven pm hour

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absolute chaos, but Sandra held firm and the family learned

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to respect that one very important boundary. She usually ignored

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the insanity and spent all sixty seconds of seven point

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fifty nine pm smiling at the kitchen wall clock. Gary

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would make a lot of noise pulling his solid body

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off the springy couch after stroking a strawberry blonde beard.

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This was his move whenever he needed a minute. It

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looks like he was thinking. He was often just delaying

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moving his body. That happens when your day starts at

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four thirty am because the fence came down in the storm,

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or because the frost came over the corn when it

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wasn't supposed to do, or two cows gave birth within

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the same hour, or the multitude of things that could

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go wrong on one hundred acres in Iowa in the

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early two thousands. Gary's callous hands stroked the red hair

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that grew artfully out of his chin. He had quite

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the look. Gary might spend the majority of his day

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and his plaid shirts and worn out car hard overalls,

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but the second he was home or out on the town,

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it was always an outfit that a street fashion photographer

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would salivate over. It was often some version of a

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Canadian taxedo that being denim on denhim, but it worked

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for him in a way that it didn't for most people.

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There was something about his choice of blues that made

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people do an appreciative double take. Or maybe it was

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his mullet. His hair coat was so extreme that it

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was the sort of farmer's version of the Rachel. Everyone

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loved it. Few could pull it off as well as

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the original. There was definitely something about Gary. But Gary,

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a confident cowboy or not, was really sick of getting

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his kid to beet he finished stroke in his beard,

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he could hear Joey's breathing from behind the couch. In

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Gary's experience, his children all inherited his self assuredness, whether

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they deserved it or not. Joey thought he was a

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hell of a lot sneakier than he actually was. Joe

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wee yee. The way Gary said the name gave it

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three syllables. He heard, Joey duck to the floor. Gary

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mused momentarily that this kid was aging him in a

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way that the others were not. These knights of sleep

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refusal made him wonder what the heck was going on

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in this kid's brain. When the sky turned dark, he

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seemed to get more energy and made Gary wish there

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were some kind of nighttime farm chores appropriate for a

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third grader. There weren't many. We ain't doing this again.

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Come on, kid, I don't care if you sleep, Just

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stay in your damn bed or even just the damn bedroom.

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The damn bedroom had everything a kid could possibly want

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to sleep and also to be awakened. Joey, as we know,

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was the baby of the family, and he milked that

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position every chance he got. The number of toys couldn't

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fit in the closet even on his most organized day,

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and his bed was a sea of stuffed animalst purchased

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at every county fair and also basically every time his

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mother had to go to the local Kroger, which was

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often a redheaded doll sat in the prime location above

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his dresser. Gary had won that one for Joey. In

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the fair grag where he had to hit the hammer

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and watch the ball float up to gauge your strength,

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Gary won the biggest prize every single year without fail.

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Maybe Sandra and Gary had lost their edge with their

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youngest because he was somehow not falling into line like

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his siblings had before him. I just can't sleep. Joey

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threw down the statement so matter of factly that it

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sounded like he just graduated with his JD. Gary turned

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to face his youngest son. You can because it's bedtime.

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He tried to find soul energy to make a serious face.

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I can't because I'm not tired. Joey had plenty of energy,

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and his face showed it. You can lie there. I can't.

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My body will let me. Gary sighed like a plow

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horse being pushed out of the shade. He wasn't in

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the mood to debate. He wanted to unbutton the top

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of his jeans, make some popcorn, and watch the Hawkeyes game. Unfortunately,

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it was eighth nine and Sandra was nowhere to be seen.

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Let's just try. Gary hoisted himself up off the couch

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and found himself forty five minutes later in the cluttered bedroom,

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his voice now hoarse from reading three entire chapters of

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Harry Potter out loud. There were just so many damn characters.

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He couldn't keep them all straight. Now his brain and

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his body were dead tired, and the football game was

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nearly over. Gary extracted himself from the tangle of Joey's limbs.

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Good Night, son, I don't care what you do, but

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stay in bed. Joey nodded, and Gary would have sworn

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that his son's eyelids looked heavy. He nodded to himself, Damn,

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he was a good dad. Gary patted into the living

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room and settled back down on the couch. The first

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movie that popped up when he hit the remote got

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his attention. Gary had always liked horror movies, and he

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hadn't seen this one in years. It was a classic.

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As the face of the killer doll filled the screen,

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Gary smiled to himself, pulled up a plaid blanket, and

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was ready to zone out to Chucky in the nineteen

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eighty eight film Child's Play. He'd been watching it for

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what seemed like thirty two seconds when he heard a

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familiar rustling sound behind the couch. God, damn it, Joey,

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that better not be you. But as any parent knows,

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when they utter that phrase, ninety nine percent of the time,

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it is in fact your child, and you have to

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do something about it, especially if you can't find Sandra

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because she snuck off into town with her friends from

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Margeritas at Lady's Bingo night at the Elks Club. So

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for the second time that evening, Gary hoisted his weary

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bones and tired voice off the couch, trudged into his

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son's room and tucked him in again. Good night, Joey,

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I love you. I stay in your damn bet. It

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was nine twenty. How was this kid still awake? Poor

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Gary didn't have much time to ponder that idea. He

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was zonked. He closed the door of Joey's room and

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dropped and took us back on the couch. This time,

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it was more like three minutes before he heard the

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pitter patter of relentless feet. Joey, Dad, just one more story.

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I think Harry Potter's gonna give me nightmares. Get in

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a bed or I'll give you nightmares. It was an

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empty threat, and everyone in the Feederhorn house knew it.

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Gary was a gentle and very well dressed giant. He

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got up once again, threw the blankets over his son,

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tripped on a stuffed animal snake, almost threw his back out,

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said a string of words you'd have to repent for

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in church, and finally limped out of Joey's room. This time,

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he decided to stop in the kitchen for a well

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deserved beer. Rookie mistake. As he lowered himself back onto

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his preferred movie watching spot, he saw a lump move

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under the plaid blanket Joey. This time, Joey scurried like

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a mouse, being chased back into his room. Gary was

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too tired to be angry. He shook his head to himself.

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This happened almost every night. Joey could not go to bed.

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It was like he was wired differently than the farmer's

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in his bloodline. Nighttime woke up naturally. It was either

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that or as he was stealing coffee from the kitchen

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at seven pm. Whatever the reason, Gary could not argue

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with the fact that this kid had an opposite circadian rhythm.

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Of everyone else in the household, but regardless of what

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was happening in the kid's brain, this bedtime bullshit had

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to be broken. The cold beer slashing down Gary's throat

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was as refreshing as jumping into a lake on a

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blazing hot summer day. It was exactly what he needed.

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The bubbles floated right up to his brain as the

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underscore of the movie told him that someone was about

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to get stabbed in the neck by a demonically possessed doll.

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Right as the music reached a crescendo, Gary heard another noise.

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It might have startled him a bit, but he would

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never admit it. It was a noise in his house,

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a noise he did not want to hear, a sound

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he was dreading it was Joey. Gary felt ready to

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jump off the couch in a rage, but he stopped himself.

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He told his kid every which way to get his

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butt back into bed, and there was nothing that he

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could get him to do to listen. So maybe scaring

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the shit out of him wasn't world's worst idea. So

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Gary sighed, drank his beer, and focused his attention on

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the brilliantly directed movie on TBS that night. Gary ignored

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the fact that his eight year old had placed himself

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stealthily beside the sofa, and stayed up for two and

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a half hours past his bedtime, watching the version of

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Child's Play, complete with ad breaks for products like insurance

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and Athlete's foot. He heard his son get up once

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and thought he might have heard something thrown into the trash.

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No matter, it was Gary time now and nothing was

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going to interrupt his peace. Gary drank two beers, enjoyed

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the movie, and then used his achy body to carry

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a sleeping Joey back to a stuffy infested bed. He

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moved a few toys off the floor to clear a

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path to the door, and without thinking anything of it,

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took Joey's My Buddy doll out of the waste paper

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basket and placed on the armchair next to Joey's bed.

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He made a mental note to tell Joey not to

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just throw toys away when he picked up his room

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kids these days, and then he went to sleep. The

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next morning, Sandra noticed things were a bit weird in

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the fetter Horn house. First of all, there wasn't their

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youngest child sloppily mixing together three different kinds of breakfast

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cereal at the kitchen table. This was unusual. Second, there

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was one lass toy in Joey's cluttered bedroom. Unsurprisingly, it

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was redheaded doll. Gary had already been at work for

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three hours before a cell phone rang, with an upset

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Sandra on one end and a screaming Joey in the background.

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You let him watch, Chucky. He's burying the doll in

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the backyard as we speak, he said. It jumped out

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of the trash. Gary hung up, shook his head, and

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turned his bailer back through the endless field. There was

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a lot of hay to bail. It wasn't the most

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brain consuming process, however, and he let his mind wander

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back to the movie. Maybe, just maybe Joey had learned

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his lesson. Well, he had not. That night, after putting

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his youngest to bed six times total, Gary stroked his

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beard and entertained a slightly unhinged thought. He done a

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lot of strange things as a lifelong farmer and father

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for but he'd never dug up a grave before. Funnily enough,

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that's what he found himself doing at nine pm on

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a Thursday, in his backyard and bent in Iowa. It

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didn't take much. Joey wasn't the most thorough of children.

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The grave was about four and a half inches deep

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and poorly covered. That's how Joey's My Buddy doll got

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from the back yard dirt nap to being placed back

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in the arm chair next to his bed. It's alive again.

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The following morning, Gary's cell phone rang. Sandra was hootin

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and hollerin while Joey wailed in the background. Gary shook

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his head, hung up the phone, and went back to

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flippin' bales. That night, after nine attempts to get Joey

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to sleep, Gary stroked his beard and went out to

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the yard. As he'd heard from his older children, there

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was indeed a burn pile in the big pit the

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family used for bonfires. And in that pit, admittedly disfigured

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but not utterly incinerated, was my Buddy. Gary could not

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help but chuckle out loud. Poor Joey had tried to

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light the damn doll on fire, but it didn't matter.

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He still hadn't learned his lesson. He was not going

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asleep this time. He decided to place the burnt remains

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of the doll in the armchair and the next morning,

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the bone chilling whale that erupted from Joey's room was

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no surprise to anyone. It whoat die let me speak

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to him, drawed Gary when the expected phone call came

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from Sandra. He was driving his tractor, listening to the

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new Kenny Chesney album and was finding life to be

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quite peaceful. At the moment, he thought he could talk

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some sense into his son, Joey, Buddy, maybe this thing

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will stop haunting you if you just go to sleep

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when we tell you to. This suggestion did not go

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over well, and it didn't work. It took two hours

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to get Joey to sleep that night, and another thirty

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for Gary to find the kitchen shears missing and the

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doll cut up in a six pieces, shoved between the

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fridge and the garbage can. With the last ounce of

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his mental energy, Gary had the idea to pull out

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the duct tape and perform a little reconstructive surgery. My

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buddy found his way back into the armchair again. Now

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you might thinking that the usual ending to an anxiety

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attic story would be Joey learning his lesson and being

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afraid at all is for the rest of his life,

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But now go to bed when his parents told him to. No,

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that's not what happened, because Joey told this story on

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TikTok while Gary, obviously addressed to the cowboy nines, was

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sitting in the kitchen behind him and Dad tell them

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who really got the shit under the stick? Gary looks

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up from peeling his pistachios and looks at the camera. Well,

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I reckon it was me? And why is that? Prompts

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the now twenty something year old Joey, who looks way

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too normal for a guy who had every reason to

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believe that he grew up living with a demonic doll

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because he started sleeping in bed with me every dang night.

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And for how long did that last? Pushes Joey, channeling

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his full Ryan Seacrest. Five years, maybe longer, every damn nut.

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Then Joey points to the camera to a forty something

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year old blonde woman also sitting at the kitchen table.

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Her blue eyes are the size of Checky's, her mouth

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is a gaatee, her tan face aghast, and she's staring

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in utter disbelief at Gary. Joey can't control his laughter.

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And how do you feel about that? Younger stepmother? That's

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the guy you married, and the video cuts out with

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another yell. Younger stepmother does not like this story, but

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Gary just chuckles, well you sleep now, don't you, and

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Joey just shakes his head, making eye contact with the

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camera barely. Child's play the nineties gift that keeps on giving.

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Technically eighty eight, but it's all the same idea you guys.

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If you like this story, there are so many more

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00:19:49.920 --> 00:19:53.839
wherever you get your podcasts, Please like, subscribe, rate, and

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if you want to spend two seconds and give us

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00:19:55.759 --> 00:19:59.440
a review, we would love that. And from us to you,

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00:19:59.519 --> 00:20:01.680
like always, Sweet Dreams.

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Thanks for listening to anxiety addicts bedtime stories. We're here

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00:20:22.480 --> 00:20:25.079
to help you take your mind off whatever is making

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00:20:25.160 --> 00:20:28.559
you spiral by listening to a story about someone else's

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00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:34.160
hilarious or mortifying experience, and we know you have your own.

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Please DM or email your stories of bad decisions, miscommunications

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00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:43.440
and Murphy's law. Your support helps us keep doing what

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we love and don't forget to like, rate and subscribe,

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and as always, Sweet Dreams. This episode was written and

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00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:54.319
recorded by Joe Newman, with editing and sound designed by

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00:20:54.359 --> 00:21:04.200
Morgan Walsh.