Feb. 18, 2026

Dog Gone It

Dog Gone It
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When Theo’s first out-of-college job threatens to bore him to the point of insanity, he takes a life-changing walk. And we learn that the best part of being an adult is free will. And, the choice to run screaming from embarrassment.

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Jo & Morgan

WEBVTT

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To the restless, the insomniacs, the stressed out, the worried,

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and the board. This is for you. Welcome to Anxiety

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Addicts Bedtime Stories, an original podcast by Joe Newman and

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Morgan Walsh serving up hot, mostly true, twenty minute stories

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to turn off your brain and turn on your ram.

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The stories come from all over the Internet, whispered late

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at parties and from you to the BS inbox. But

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your secrets are safe here. All names have been changed

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to protect the guilty, So please sit back, relax, and

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send us your stories at the link in the show

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notes and sweet dreams.

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Hi, I'm Joe, and I am so happy you're here.

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Welcome to my weird little corner of the Internet where

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my friend since I was in eighth grade, Morgan Welsh

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and I sore stories from all over the Internet and

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weird entries we get from our inbox to bring you true, ridiculous, funny, embarrassing, awkward,

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terrible stories that we turn into twenty minute take your

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mind off of everything. End of the day, Middle of

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the day tales, always with a happy ending to make

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you happy and us happy. So that's what we're doing here.

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And today's story, I'm going to tell.

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You why I really like it, because.

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Some of these were like, Okay, there's a moral here.

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The moral here is, you.

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Know, generally something that you probably shouldn't publish in a

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children's book, but whatever. And I think the moral of

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this story is one of the best things about being

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an adult, because we talk a lot about what's awful

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about being an adult, like paying bills and repercussions and

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weird social anxiety, not being able to sleep, having a

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weird itch in your upper back that is not a

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dermatological candy, but it has something to do with nerve endings,

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and you are itching for twenty four hours a day. Like,

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there's obviously all kinds of stuff that sucks about getting

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older and sucks about being mature and responsible and all

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of the shit that comes along with that.

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But here is a good part of.

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Being an adult that comes with the story.

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Which is free will. And you'll see when we get there.

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But at the end of it, I kind of love

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that this guy never goes back. Guys, sit back, relaxed,

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tune into now, unplug, Please share, like, subscribe. We're not

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picky with anybody anywhere, anytime. Enjoy THEO Loved Dogs he

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liked long walks and not quite ripe bananas and making

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plans for a reasonable.

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And safe future.

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The dog part was just some random genetic trait that

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made him want to stop and pet every pup that

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he passed on the sidewalk in his little London.

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Suburb of a town.

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The banana thing was most likely just a matter of

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personal preference, although it could possibly have been genetic, as

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all the men on his mother's side.

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Felt the same way.

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The safe and reasonable future part was ingrained into him

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from day one. As a we tyke, his aunt Susan

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had given him a game of playing cards with various

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professions printed on them. The game was called something not

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at all obvious, like what do you want to be

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when you grow up?

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Now?

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Logically the game shouldn't have had any right or wrong answers.

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It was created and marketed to babies who had no

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clue what the decision meant, but in Theo's house, it.

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Sort of did.

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He would grab at the card with the man and

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the fire hat or the woman in a lab coat

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holding a kitten, and every time his parents would shake

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their heads and hand him the card of the man

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in khakis and a polo shirt holding a briefcase. Not

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many people would proclaim to be destined for middle management,

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but maybe THEO was. For a moment or two in

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high school, he'd entertain the idea of becoming a veterinarian.

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Theo's father had thought that particular occupation was too close

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to farming, which he himself had to endure as a boy,

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and wanted nothing of that life for his only son.

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You cannot have a cow as a coworker, he declared

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when THEO suggested his future career. Now, THEO knew that

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if he studied science and medicine and worked hard and

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got his veterinary degree.

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He would not have a cow as a coworker.

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The only way that statement would be true would be

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if THEO miraculously discovered how to produce milk and agreed

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to be hooked up to a machine in a dairy

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farm to increase the production of said milk, and in

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turn convinced the general public that this particular human bodily

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secretion paired nicely with honey and PG tips.

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This was not happening.

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Still, bereft of logic or not, THEO went along with

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his father's wishes, because that's what good sons do accounting,

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his father declared one Sunday after the family's regular roast

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chicken dinner. He said it was such confidence and excitement

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that Theo never ventured to challenge his father and signed

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up for all the right classes. He did fine in school,

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even though paying attention to detail was never his strong suit.

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It was while he was riding his bike through his

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suburban neighborhood, tossing the newspaper from Asatchel from one doorstep

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to the next, that Theo's mind both wandered and wondered.

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He'd squint just for.

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A few seconds into each of the windows on the street,

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trying to imagine the lives that took shape.

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Inside those walls.

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He wondered what the people did for work, or where

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they bought their pants.

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He wondered about how.

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All the decisions came to be made they made a life.

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He wondered if there were options.

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But that was a big thought, a gigantic idea for

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his thirteen year old brain, and truthfully, a concept he

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wasn't quite ready for.

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Big decisions were not exactly.

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On the table for young Theodore. He did as he

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was told. He was a solid B plus student, all

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throughout school he could have been an a, but his

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work consistently lacked imagination and originality. He did the work

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that was expected of him, avoided conflict, and mostly stayed

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out of trouble as much as any young boy can.

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Many newspapers and years after that time, THEO didn't even

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remember choosing accounting on his school application, but he must have,

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because four years and dozens of classes later, that was

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the subject that was printed on his degree. Lumbering his

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six' three frame across the stage in his cap and,

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GOWN theo paused for a, moment gazing out into the,

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audience looking for his, parents who were impossible to find

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amongst the sea of khaki clad fifty something year.

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Olds even his.

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Mother's soft brown curls blended in with all the other

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mother's soft brown. Curls, so always thoughtful and hedging his,

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BEDS theo waved in the general direction of all the

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clapping parents and held up his diploma so somewhere out

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there his father could snap a photo and turn the

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page on this.

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Chapter of all of their, Lives.

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Jamison And. Sons accounting looked like any in every beige

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office and. Haring WHEN theo stepped through the doors on

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his first, day he had trouble remembering.

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The interview as they all sort of blended.

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Together, nina the red lipsticked, receptionist greeted him with a practice.

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Smile good, morning you must BE. Theo let me share you.

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AROUND theo nodded with a smile that he hoped conveyed

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the correct amount of, enthusiasm and Followed nina to his.

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Cubicle each time they passed an.

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Open, door she would mention the person's name residing in said.

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Office then each accountant would brief we look up from their,

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screen not In theo's general, direction and go right back

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to their.

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Work it was as warm as the back of a.

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Freezer nina opened the last door at the end of

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the hallway and handed him a. Folder here's the login

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information for the. Accounts in order to make it, here they

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expect you to be a self, staunter to sort of

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take things into your own. Hands get it, done you.

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Know nina looked AT theo, expectantly as if there should

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be some applause for this incredible amount of. INFORMATION theo

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forced his face into the largest smile he could. Imagine

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by the time he'd stretched his lips across his. Face

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she'd already spun on her very sensible heel and was

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returning back to the front of the. OFFICE theo glanced

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around the hallway to see if any of his new

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coworkers had witnessed the awkward.

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Interaction, no not a.

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Human then a quiet but repeated dud sound caught his.

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Ear three offices, down a fluffy golden tail wagged against

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a green carpeted. Floor then a beautiful retriever's head stuck.

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Out the dog SAW theo smile and gave him one right.

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BACK theo sat at his, desk.

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Made himself as comfortable as possible in the office, chair

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and typed. Thoughtfully it was mostly a data, entry but

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he wanted to start out his first week strong and

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not make a. Mistake he allowed himself a glance at

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the dog each thirty minutes on the dock whenever he

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took a trip to the. Loop he'd walked down the,

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hallway crinkling his face into a look that he hoped

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conveyed that he was deep in thought and not deeply.

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Bored it didn't.

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Matter it was the unfriendliest workplace in THE. Uk no

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one said, Hello no one asked how he was settling.

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In in, fact after three days of, THIS theo was

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pretty sure that the only eye contact he'd made Since

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monday was with the. Dog the next morning was a,

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slog to be, honest and the morning after that it

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was almost as if regular humans entered The jamison And

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son's doors and became accountant zombies with no need for human.

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Interaction for the rest.

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Of the, DAY theo stared at his, screen watching the

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numbers swim around on the page until they morphed into,

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meaningless mateless blobs with no. Direction and even THOUGH theo

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had spent his life fighting the urge to wander and to,

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wonder to squash his impulses to, daydream to focus on

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the road ahead and not crane his neck for shortcuts

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or turnouts or any kind of scenic, group that first

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week of work of the beginning of his professional life

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forced him to question his present. Situation the relentless drone

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of overhead fluorescent lights felt like the sound of carbreaks

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screeching on a hot summer day in his. Ears the

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musty smell of the office reminded him of a long

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forgotten blowney, sandwich and the click click of his colleagues's

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keyboards made him feel immediately unqualified for this boring, job

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and that's.

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When he felt it right on his.

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Ankle to be, fair it's almost as IF theo knew

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what was happening before it. Happened but when he finally

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mustered the courage to look, down not out of fear

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for his, life simply fear of disappointment if you were,

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wrong he saw. It the big fluffy dare he, say

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happy looking golden retriever had sauntered over to his desk

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and placed himself right At theo's left.

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ANKLE theo felt his heart.

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Race the dog was so, kind, looking so, gentle and

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when he looked up at the newest Accountant jamison And,

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SONS theo knew without a doubt that.

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This dog needed to go for a. Walk the dog's

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timing was.

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IMPECCABLE theo, too also very much needed a.

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Walk is this anyone's?

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POP theo called down the, hallway but no one. Responds

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he knocked gently on the door to the. Right the

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office's owner signaled that they were on a call and had.

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No time to be. BOTHERED theo tapped on the door

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to the. Left in the middle of.

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SOMETHING a female voice called out in a tone implying

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THAT theo should most likely go away and never ever come.

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Back, okay THOUGHT. Theo maybe leaving the.

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Office midday on your first week wasn't the best. Move

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maybe it didn't convey the worker be mentality that he

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had so strictly cultivated for. Himself BUT theo felt there

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was a good chance that he would pull out all

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of his hair in most of his fingernails if he

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didn't get out of that building in the next sixty.

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Seconds the dog appeared to, agree AS theo and the

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dog made their way through the front, door an ancient

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bell jingling against the. GLASS theo wondered if perhaps taking

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the office dog for a walk was a brilliant way

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of integrating.

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Himself into the uptight office.

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Culture maybe this bit of a jaunt would make him

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a hero. Me and that's when it, started the thing

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that our hero had worked so hard to, resist the,

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wondering which was immediately followed by the. Wandering neither he

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nor the dog realized that they'd been gone for an.

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Hour it happened to be the exact time of day

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that the sun managed to fight its way through the cloudy.

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Sky and the birds came out to chirp and, sing

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and the air decided to be clean and crisp and

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cool and. Refreshing the two guys walked up to the

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top of the, neighborhood noting both people and squirrels running.

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Errands their strides, lengthened their upper bodies, relaxed and one

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of them let their tongue hang Out in absolute joy and,

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RELAXATION theo un buttoned his coat and allowed the muscles

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of his face to melt in the springtime. Sunshine it

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was the closest he had felt to bliss in recent.

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00:13:52.639 --> 00:13:56.360
Memory the dog looked up at, him AND theo swears he.

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Smiled their paces matched their legs and stepped with one.

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Another pretty women smiled from behind, sunglasses and more than

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one commented on what a cute DOG theo.

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HAD theo didn't.

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Realize he was talking to the dog until he was

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more than halfway through telling his life. Story his wondering

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00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:18.639
and wandering brain had asked himself how he had wound

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up in this exact place at this exact, time and

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00:14:22.840 --> 00:14:25.759
having such an agreeable, companion he decided to go back

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to the moment that the dominoes of his future had

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00:14:28.360 --> 00:14:32.240
been set in motion and just talk it. OUT theo

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isn't sure what it says about him that the deepest

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00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:37.879
and most profound self reflection he'd ever had up until

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00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:40.320
that point in his life was with a golden retriever

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whom he'd only just.

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00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:45.200
Met but there it. Was these things are rarely.

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00:14:45.240 --> 00:14:49.080
Planned maybe it was the, Sunshine maybe it was the fresh.

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Air maybe it was the happy dog brushing against his.

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Calves or maybe it was simply the time and the

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00:14:55.399 --> 00:14:59.120
space to share his dreams and fears out. Loud but

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it was a wh wildly unexpected come To jesus moment

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in the life Of Theodore. Caddingham he knew that he

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00:15:05.879 --> 00:15:09.360
would need an entirely different career path in order to be, happy.

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00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:12.840
But he couldn't just up and Quit jamison And. Sons

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00:15:12.879 --> 00:15:15.519
four and a half days into his. Tenure, there right

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00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:19.480
when they turned the corner and the crumbling.

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00:15:19.000 --> 00:15:23.200
Brick building came into, VIEW theo gasped as his happy feelings.

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00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:27.200
Evaporated there was something about the way the clouds appeared

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00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:30.000
out of, nowhere the way the birds suddenly ceased their,

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00:15:30.039 --> 00:15:34.240
singing about how the barometric pressure seemed to drop without,

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00:15:34.279 --> 00:15:39.200
warning sending an icy vibration through all Of theo's. Extremities, now,

284
00:15:39.679 --> 00:15:42.480
look this should have been a. Sign HAD theo been

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00:15:42.519 --> 00:15:45.399
taught to pay any attention whatsoever to his, wants or

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00:15:45.480 --> 00:15:48.360
needs or, instincts he would have looked up at that awful,

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00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:51.840
building down at that beautiful dog and just. Ran in,

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00:15:51.919 --> 00:15:55.960
hindsight it was a good thing that he, didn't because

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00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:59.399
WHEN theo pushed open the crotchety old door with the

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banging holiday bell into The jamison And Sons Accounting firms, building.

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00:16:04.360 --> 00:16:06.480
The air was thick with.

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00:16:06.679 --> 00:16:12.279
Tension again because Of theo's emotionally stunted up. Bringing he

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00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:18.120
can't really notice that's where the entire office, staff huddled

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00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:20.679
together on the ancient green, carpeting.

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Was waiting for.

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00:16:21.240 --> 00:16:24.799
Him it REMINDED theo of a very depressing surprise. Party

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00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:28.600
ONCE theo had a surprise, party it was a legitimate

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00:16:28.639 --> 00:16:31.639
surprise because it was the day after his ninth, birthday

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00:16:31.639 --> 00:16:35.039
which his parents had forgotten, altogether and YOUNG theo was too,

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00:16:35.080 --> 00:16:37.559
polite even in the fourth grade to have said. Anything

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00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:40.360
by the time his mother realized what had, happened the

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00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:43.840
day had come and, gone so she atoned by corralling

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00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:48.960
every available person in their, neighborhood young old weird still in,

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00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:52.720
diapers who was available at noon the following. Day that's

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00:16:52.759 --> 00:16:55.600
when the hodgepodge of party guest scared the literal piss

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00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:57.960
out of her son when the crowd jumped out and

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00:16:57.960 --> 00:16:59.320
surprised him on a day that.

308
00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:03.000
Was, not, again in, fact his. Birthday the truth, is

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00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:05.400
any one of us would have been irreparably.

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00:17:05.440 --> 00:17:10.160
Traumatized this welcome back to The jamison And son's office

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00:17:10.200 --> 00:17:13.720
reminded him briefly of that moment fifteen years, prior but

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00:17:13.839 --> 00:17:17.400
this time no one had cake or even a. Smile

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00:17:18.279 --> 00:17:21.640
As theo's eyes, widened he dropped the dog's. Leash the,

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00:17:21.759 --> 00:17:26.279
dog having walked both satisfying and tiring amount sauntered lazily

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00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:30.240
to a woman in a navy dress and dark. Sunglasses,

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00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:36.079
OLIVER i Thought i'd lost. YOU theo watched as the

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00:17:36.119 --> 00:17:39.519
rest of the office crowd shot him with poisonous, looks

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00:17:39.960 --> 00:17:42.519
and as the woman in the navy dress fumbled to

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00:17:42.680 --> 00:17:47.519
find the dog's. EARS theo felt his face speaking to,

320
00:17:47.640 --> 00:17:51.559
burn and the horrible sensation traveled down to his, stomach

321
00:17:51.920 --> 00:17:53.839
turning it into what felt like a brick.

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00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:57.680
Knot his eyes darted from one coworker to.

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00:17:57.799 --> 00:18:02.759
Another each one shook their, heads looking at Poor theo

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00:18:02.920 --> 00:18:07.599
with faces brimming with. Disgust he watched us as one,

325
00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:11.319
friend his only, acquaintance trod off his leash in front

326
00:18:11.319 --> 00:18:15.559
of the lady with the navy. Dress, really said the

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00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:18.119
man who shared his right office wall and was too

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00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:21.000
busy to be bothered two hours, ago.

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00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:23.519
You had to take. Avesdog the poor woman is.

330
00:18:23.559 --> 00:18:28.119
Blind and with, that the office maids filed out of the,

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00:18:28.119 --> 00:18:32.440
foyer leaving a Speechless theo and an equally as Flustered,

332
00:18:32.519 --> 00:18:36.279
nina the, receptionist, who unfortunately for, her had nowhere else to.

333
00:18:36.319 --> 00:18:41.000
Go that was, Awkward, Yeah nina giggled through a dam of.

334
00:18:41.079 --> 00:18:45.440
Nerves show the old forget about this one. Day and with,

335
00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:48.319
That nina went back to her very important task of

336
00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:49.240
organizing her.

337
00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:55.759
Paper clips by. Color but you, SEE, THEO theo was forever.

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00:18:55.920 --> 00:19:00.480
Changed he could not walk back into his cubicle passing

339
00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:04.920
through the hallway of his colleagues's. Offices he could not

340
00:19:05.240 --> 00:19:09.640
face the humiliation of having accidentally stolen a blind woman's,

341
00:19:09.720 --> 00:19:14.759
dog and somehow more, importantly he could not forget how

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00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:19.599
that dog walk felt because he couldn't just. Leap he

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00:19:19.799 --> 00:19:22.920
had to face down his embarrassment and commit to this horrible.

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00:19:23.000 --> 00:19:25.880
Job this is what he told himself as he stood

345
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:30.680
in the office staring at his. Briefcase but then a

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00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:34.240
new thought popped into his. Head what if he Did

347
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:37.680
what if he didn't have to work in this awful,

348
00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:41.359
office with these awful people doing such awfully boring.

349
00:19:41.440 --> 00:19:47.079
Work what if his professional life could be well. Enjoyable,

350
00:19:48.319 --> 00:19:49.119
well this was a new.

351
00:19:49.160 --> 00:19:55.400
Thought SO theo did something very VERY untheo. Like he

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00:19:55.440 --> 00:19:57.880
acknowledged his emotions and.

353
00:19:57.799 --> 00:19:58.680
Then he acted on.

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00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:03.400
Them leo packed up his mostly empty, satchel left an

355
00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:07.240
apology note for Mister jamison and his, sons and then

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00:20:07.720 --> 00:20:09.640
left that brick, building never to.

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00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:12.480
Return he wrote the woman in the.

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00:20:12.519 --> 00:20:16.000
Navy dress a note, too and to be, honest he

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00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:18.480
still wonders if that was the right thing to. DO

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00:20:19.559 --> 00:20:23.920
theo now trains therapy, dogs and you know, what he's.

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00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:26.039
Happy sweet.

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00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:30.079
Dreams you, guys please don't forget to, like, subscribe, share

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00:20:31.079 --> 00:20:33.240
put this on repeat so it does something to the

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00:20:33.319 --> 00:20:34.359
algorithm that.

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00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:35.759
My forty two year old brain will never.

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00:20:35.880 --> 00:20:44.400
Understand good, Night.

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00:20:59.240 --> 00:21:03.920
Thanks for listening to. Anxiety addicts bedtime. Stories we're here

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00:21:03.960 --> 00:21:06.559
to help you take your mind off whatever is making

369
00:21:06.599 --> 00:21:10.000
you spiral by listening to a story about someone else's

370
00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:15.319
hilarious or mortifying, experience and we know you have your.

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00:21:15.359 --> 00:21:20.039
Own PLEASE dm or email your stories of bad, decisions,

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00:21:20.200 --> 00:21:24.720
miscommunications And Murphy's. Law your support helps us keep doing

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00:21:24.759 --> 00:21:27.359
what we love and don't forget to, like rate and,

374
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:32.519
subscribe and as, always sweet. Dreams this episode was written

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00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:35.599
and recorded By Joe, newman with editing and sound designed

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00:21:35.599 --> 00:21:45.839
By Morgan walsh