June 9, 2025
New Faces, New Friends, New Anxieties, Join Us For Our Weekly BS
Jo explains why the new facelift trend reminds her of a dog sticking its head out the window...make it make sense. Oh, and what's the drama with Morgan in Ireland?
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Need a 90-second life break to make you laugh and forget about the real world for an entire minute? Put your email in here for a good time:
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🌈 Lost your EarPods? Procrastinating at your computer? Hate the sound of Jo's voice? Then you're in luck!
🍀 All episodes are available for your reading pleasure atwww.anxietyaddictsbedtimestories.com
📚 Love the stories?
👄 Have one to tell?
⏰ Only have three minutes? It's SO easy to submit your own! Just click on:www.anxietyaddictsbedtimestories.com/contact
✍️ How does it work?
👀 Is it annoying?
👮 Will the cops find me? You send three short sentences and we do the rest. It's less annoying than anything else in your inbox. And we change all names and identifying characteristics so the only thing knocking on your door after midnight is hopefully someone you invited.
🍆 Want funny pics? Links to the latest story? And videos of all the things stressing us the eff out? Lucky for you, our Insta is 🔥 Fire 🔥 So follow us here:@anxietyaddictsbedtimestories.
Need a 90-second life break to make you laugh and forget about the real world for an entire minute? Put your email in here for a good time:
https://www.anxietyaddictsbedtimestories.com/Sweet dreams...xoxo
WEBVTT
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Good afternoon, good evening. Good one forty seven am, and
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you have woken up in a cold sweat because you
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think you're having a heart attack, but it turns out
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that you laid on your left arm. Kind of funny.
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I'm Joe and I'm Morgan, and welcome to Anxiety Addicts
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Bedtime Stories. This is where two best friends since we
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were eleven years old collect stories from the Internet and
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true user submitted stories and turn them into twenty minute
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tales to help you take your mind off of whatever's
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bothering you and help you go to sleep.
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Let's be honest, anxiety can feel really, really lonely, and
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we don't want it to be. I don't know about you, Joe,
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but whenever I think about that thing that I said
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to a thirty year old old woman fifteen years ago
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that I can't even believe what I said, I said,
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you look really beautiful for your age. I was twenty.
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I still stress about it, and when I hear other
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stories like this, it makes me feel so less lonely.
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Absolutely, and to put things in perspective where you said
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this one thing, but somebody else's burned their house down
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and they got over it, so you're like, oh, okay,
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all things being equal, I think I've got this.
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Oh my god, I still cringe about it. I still
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cringe about it. I was trying to be really nice,
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and I obviously was an idiot as a twenty year old.
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To be fair, though, twenty years ago, maybe people weren't
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taking that as offensively, like now everything is considered offensive,
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and maybe back then it.
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Was like she definitely took it offensively, like laughed at it,
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but definitely took it offensively. Wow, you know, I mean
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if somebody came up, could you imagine a little twenty
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five year old came up to you and you're like,
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you're really pretty for your age, I'd.
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Like, yup, got that right? My god.
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Well, guys, we just wrapped up season two and we'll
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be taking some time off before we kick off season three,
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but we will continue to be doing our weekly BS
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because obviously.
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So our WEEKLYBS is where Morgan and I to get together.
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We talk about the people with our exact same names
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and what they're doing around the world, what we're stressed
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out about, and then we'll give you a little bit
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of our brilliant, psychologically educated insight onto some pop culture things.
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I'm kidding. We don't have anything interesting to say about that.
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Yeah, but it's kind of fun trying to find a way.
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Do you know that everybody? When I used to read
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like gossip columns, I knew everybody. And now I have
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no idea who they're talking about unless they're talking about
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like the older generation, like like the Backstreet Boys and
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or Oprah Winfrey. I don't know any.
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Yeah, I don't know the younger people either. I don't. Also,
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I don't know if I should be proud of this,
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and I feel like the gays are going to disown me.
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But I've never seen an episode of any of the
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Real Housewives shows, and I've never seen an episode with
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the Kardashians.
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So I've definitely seen episodes of the Kardashians, but I've
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never seen I shouldn't say I've never seen the Housewives.
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When I go home for the summer because we don't
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have them here, my sister in law, my brother's wife
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got my mom into them, and my mom and I
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will sit and either watch Judge, Judy or one of
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the Housewives.
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I love that. I love that. That's like it's I
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appreciate junk TV is a connection point, I have anxiety.
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Would you like to hear about how I turned Real
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Housewives into having my own anxiety? Because that's the definition
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of insane. Like that makes no sense. It doesn't even
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make sense when I'm saying it right now. It sounds
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so dumb. But this is where my brain goes as
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I wonder how this sort of time in pop culture
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is going to be remembered, and talking to my kids,
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It's not going to be like, oh, and this was
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the time of and Andy Warhol in the seventies and
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the protests and this artist doing this. I'm gonna be like,
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this is going to be a time when like plastic
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faced women yet got drunk and yelled at each other
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on TV. And my kids are going to be like, oh,
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that was your defining moment.
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Wait a second, are you saying that because you read
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an article about Chris Jenner's new face?
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I did?
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That?
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Did pop up on my seed?
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I mine too? Oh my god? Do you think it's
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like a like do you think that she's like call
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like you know how they say even if it's in
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a paparazzi photo, they can like have it doctored. Do
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you think it's doctored? Because she seriously looks like she's
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twenty in a scary way.
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I mean, I think I have so many thoughts on it.
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My first thought, and I feel like I'm saying this
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because we're recording, is that, like, anybody should do what
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makes them happy, and I frankly don't care. I think
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that that family is really like I mean, there's five
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of them and one college degree. I look down upon that.
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I think that they have so many followers and so
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many people look to them for beauty and advice and
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put them on this pedestal, and I think it's a
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little bit insane. But also things look different on camera,
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Like I was an actress for fifteen years, and the
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makeup that they do for the camera doesn't look great
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in person.
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Yeah, totally, So who knows what she actually.
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Well, she looks fucking phenomenal. And I'm going to say,
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I remember when I was younger, I used to always
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say I can't wait to age because my grandmother was
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so fabulous. My mother's so fabulous. I'm like, I can't
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wait to age. I'm gonna wear it proudly and like
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the first signs of wrinkles and gray hair. I'm like,
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went blonding up boatox. So I can't say what I'm
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going to feel like when I'm sixty, because I do
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stress about getting older now and I never thought I
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was going to be that way.
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But I think that that's all of us. We're all like, oh,
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well do it. We'll cross that bridge when we come
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to it. And then you're at that bridge and you're like,
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I fucking don't like this bridge. I am going to
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give you a pushback though. I don't think she looks phenomenal.
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I think it looks weird.
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Well, it looks weird because you know her actual age,
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but like, whoever did it? I'll tell you why. I
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think it looks phenomenal. If she was a I won't
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say twenty, a thirty year old like or a forty
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year old. Let's say forty year old that looked like that,
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you would say, Wow, she's such a beautiful woman. And
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I think I'm so used to walking around. You know,
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first I was in Los Angeles, now I'm in Milan,
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and it really looks like I don't know people from
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Los Angeles and in Milan all went to the same
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doctor and you know exactly what they got done. She
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doesn't have that look she doesn't.
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I have like, yeah, yeah, maybe I haven't looked at
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enough pictures of her.
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I think she looks funny. I think her nose looks
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like she's had a bunch of nose jobs. I think
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that like you know how your dog looks when it
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puts its head out the window and the air blows
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at what.
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And their girls go back?
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Yeah, yeah, I think she looks like that. I think
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she looks like a Golden Retriever with its head out
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the window on a highway.
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Oh my god, I'm sorry. I'm gonna stick up for
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Chris Janner and say I think you're fucking fabulous, And
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I hope, I don't know. I hope one I hope
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I don't. I don't want to have it one day.
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But I can never say never.
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Morgan, I love you and I love that we have
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different opinions on this because I think she's everything that's
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wrong with the world in one human heartbeat.
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I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long
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as people say, like, oh no, I didn't do anything
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that annoys me.
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I agree with that. I totally agree with that.
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But if somebody says, like if you're if your grandmother
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of my grandmother became and it was like, I just
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got my booms done. I just got this, and this
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is not what I There was something going around the
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internet where somebody's like, don't please, don't call me a
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natural beauty. Like these women who looks like real natural beauties,
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like surfer girls. They're like, my hair's dyed, my lips
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are filled, there's botox in my forehead, my eyebrowser dyed,
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my eyelashes are fake, and like they go, I put
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in a lot of work to look like a natural beauty.
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And I loved that because it's like everyone thinks, you know,
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you wake up looking like people wake up in the movies.
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And I wake up and I like look in the
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mirror and I go, holy shit, that's security.
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The Internet's a lie. I feel like this is why
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God gave us degenerative eyesight, Like you're just supposed to
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as you age, you're just supposed to not be able
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to see yourself as well anymore.
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It's so true. And you know, it's funny that there's
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a lot of makeup today, but like when I'm on camera,
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you can't even like I looked pale up.
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But that's what I'm saying about you don't know what
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her face looks like in person, Like if you were
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sitting there next to her, you could be like, this
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is scary, Like it's scary to see somebody's facial features
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so manipulated marks. I would like to wrap this up
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by saying, you've never seen a dog happier than when
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it's sticking its face out the window of the backseat
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of a car on like a country highway road. So
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maybe this is just a way for everyone to look
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as happy as the Golden retriever going to the lake.
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What if that's the procedure was called Golden Retriever going
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to lake.
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I'll take two, all right, all right, let's move on
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to Joe's favorite segment. So, for anybody who's new to
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listening to, our anxiety addicts a weekly BS. We love
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looking up and getting notifications on people all around the
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world that happened to share our same name, and sometimes
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people who don't even share our same name. But something
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that like I don't know the initials or something is
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Joe sometimes brings to the table. Now I'm just teasing,
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and I started mine, I don't know, like three months ago.
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Joe's had Herzon for years the notifications of a Joanna
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Newman or Joe Newman or whatever you have in I
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started mine three months ago and Joe gets like daily
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or weekly updates on different Joe Newman's or Joe Diana
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Newman's around the world, and I in three months got
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one until this week.
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Du du dum.
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Now, unfortunately Jo's are way better because they're usually obituaries
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of older women whose time has passed, and you know,
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we like to celebrate them here on anxiety attics, but
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mine are always very strange, and about one hundred percent
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of the time they're in Ireland. So my one this
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week and I had to look up the name of
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this town. It's called Nina, and it looks like it's
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like a little south east of Gatwick. Is it Gatwick? No,
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not Gatwick, Oh my god, No, Galloway. Galloway. Oh I'm
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gonna get in trouble for that. That's the airport in
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London of Galloway. And came up in my fee that
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there was an article written because in Nina they are
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at the counselors, which are you know, the lawyers, I
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guess you could say of this small town who make
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sure life goes on as it should. Are quite upset
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this week because and I quote, Nina is just one
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of the many towns in the Midlands which has an
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excessive dog fouling problem, And I.
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Just does that mean shitting?
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Yeah, and people aren't picking it up? And I thought, well,
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I want to move to a place like Nina where
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the front page news of their local regional newspaper like
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that's it. Could you imagine, Well, you kind of live
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in like the middle of nowhere, but could you imagine
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being so in Like the worst thing that you can
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come up with to put on the front page of
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a newspaper is people aren't picking up their dog shit?
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Why am awesome?
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That's awesome. It means that the rest of your life
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is so well put together.
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Seriously, Like that's a good community. But I have to say,
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guys in Nina, like pick up after your dogs. Not
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only is it annoying for people, but I get really pissed.
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I live in a city people don't pick up their
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