Nostril Insecurity, Spys And Golden Retrievers...Need We Say More?

0:01 To the restless, the insomniacs, the stressed out, the overwork the doom scrollers, the worried, and the board. This is for you. Good writing is meant to make you think. This is the opposite. Short, funny, and unfortunately true stories that have mostly to do with nothing to help you turn off your brain and turn on your ram. All names have been changed to protect the guilty. These are anxiety addicts bedtime stories. Good afternoon, good evening, good whenever you listen to us.

0:42 Maybe it's three o'clock in the morning and you just got up to pee, but then you remembered an appointment that you made like seven months ago, completely forgot about, and now it's going to screw up your entire day. But you can't do anything about it because it's three o'clock in the morning, and now good luck getting back to sleep. We are anxiety addicts bedtime stories. I'm Just and I'm Morgan, and this is where we take stories. From all over the Internet, all over our followers, all over our dms, and all over our personal memory hell and turn them into twenty minute bedtime tales to help you take your mind off of whatever's bothering you and let you focus on somebody else's insane, embarrassing, ridiculous mishaps, and then we can all laugh about it together.

1:26 You know, Joe, I always laugh when you and I you were first talking about anxiety addicts and me coming on, and we both agreed. We always felt so much relief when we would both talk about our anxieties together, like, oh no, I felt that way before. And I really think that our community and anxiety addicts just as that we take really shitty situations and say, we've all fucking been there. We're all stressing. Let's laugh at each other because you know, I'm sitting here now in front of a frickin' camera like stressing a well, my nostril size, because now this is what I do, is I stare in the. Mirror, Morgan not.

2:06 I know this is gonna come to a shock as a shock to you, but not everybody knows about your nostril size. Would you like to tell them what's going on here in at dark corners of Morgan Ryan Walsh's mind. So every week Joe makes me record myself. I'm just joking. I'm here voluntarily, that's part of the contract. I link blink twice if you need. To be read, and I always would have my computer as of last week, you guys can go look and you could like, you know, my face was more of like at an angle, And every time I would go edit these things, I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with my nose? Like I have two different sized nostrils. I'm forty two years old, and I've never seen this flaw in myself before. I've seen all the other ones, but this is a new one. And now I find myself falling asleep to thinking if there's like a plast surgery where you can have your nostrils match. Like even when I go like this, this one looks smaller than this one.

3:06 Do you see? Yeah, and Morgan, I spend a lot of time staring at your face, and yes, this is definitely something I have never noticed. But now it's the only thing I can see when I'm. Now I also find myself looking at other people's nostrils during the day or when I'm watching other podcasts. I'm like, now astrals. Look right now. It's a fixation. So now that you're fixated on this, the question is what percentage of the population do you think has asymmetrical nostrils. You know what, guys, just let's join the club together and let me know how successful and how wonderful your life is thinking that somebody, as myself I suffer from this. I don't know what the exact ailment is, but let's call it asymmetrical nostrilitis, folks.

3:51 Asymmetrical nostril itis a session Latin word. No, no, no obsessionaty. And now I have a really hard time doing this. I almost rather turn the camera off and talk because I I I the hot today. We live in a world where you have to share your face if you want anybody to listen to your words more. When you have a cold, are you better off if the bigger nostril is not clogged? Like? Is this effect? Does this affect your existence? Guys? This is a new anxiety. This was just discovered, like I don't know, three weeks ago.

4:32 Can you breathe the same out of both of them? Yes? And I suffer from the allergies too, And this is never something that I've noticed before, but test it. Close one off, take a breath, and then close the other one off. Although actually I don't have. A deva and in septum I did go to a nose doctor. I do not have a deviated septum. I know this because my husband does. They can't even like see up one of his nostrils. But yeah, you know what, this people's show is giving me new anxieties and to get back to the boy. It always makes me feel better. All of you guys dming and writing to us and talking about what you guys suffer from, what you guys have anxieties about. I mean, maybe it's aliens in the in the ocean, maybe it's getting on an elevator.

5:19 Whatever it is. It makes me feel less lonely. And I realized that God, if I just talk about it, I don't need to feel as lonely about my nostrils. And since we have no medical, psychological, sociological, or any other ogical training, we are not here to fix your anxiety. We're just here to share stories about it. I think that that disclaimer is really fucking important. Since Morgan majored in political science and I went to acting school, I think it. Is really really important because we don't want to fix even our own problems. We kind of like riding the wave of whatever we're doing. I mean, we've made it kind of like we're doing okay life, Like I found someone to marry me, I have kids.

6:02 Joe found somebody to marry her. She has kids. Because that's the level of success, right Joe. Yes, I think that that's how we should all measure our. Worth on this planet. I'm in therapy twice a week, so I don't know if you should throw me on the top of the success food chain here, but here we are. But anyways, we are thriving. I think thriving is the correct word. And yeah, it's nice to form a little community and have us find some humor in the stresses and the anxieties of life. So Joe and I every week love to go on the internet and find our name dopplgators. I don't know if. That's like the correct term for it, but we'd love to see what the other Joe's and Morgan's or Ryan's and I can't remember your middle name and Newman's and Walsh's are doing around the world. Unfortunately, this week I don't have one because got where are you? Okay, I know there's a lot of Morgans, but Morgan, Ryan's or Morgan Walsh's there. I get no notifications and so if you are somebody with that shares Ryan Walsh even I'll even have you on it as a guest. I would love to know what you're doing.

7:13 But I'm kind of surprised by that Morgan's because it's not like your name is Christina Aguilera, where that's like, okay, maybe there's not a lot of those like that seems I feel. Like Christina is more of a common name though. Aguilera, well, she's from the nineties. We couldn't even say it. But Aguilera, what is She's from South America? I don't. I think she's Argentinian. So I think in Argentina or wherever she's from, I could be super common name. That's a super common name. Like here, like Baldi, my husband's last name. You would be like, well, who's Baldi. Well it's a very common Italian last name, or you know Mastra Angelo. Right, I guess I just I think so.

7:55 When Morgan was born all those years ago, Morgan was not a popular name all and now maybe it's because I live out in the West, but I feel like I know so many twenty five year olds with the name Morgan, so it had a resurgence twenty years after you were born. But there's no news because our alerts go into newsworthy content and there's no which I'm sorry Morgan's That doesn't mean that you're not doing anything important. But if you go on Instagram or TikTok and you type in Morgan, there's a ton But I don't know how to stalk them and figure out exactly. What they're doing. We did want because they, you know. Were public figures roller skating around a hot dog stand, which is fabulous.

8:38 But anyways, guys hit me up. So okay, So there is actually a company called Morgan Walsh Money Saving It Solutions. Have you found Morganwalsh dot co slash uk. They solve problems with technology, which is I think hilarious because not anything you would probably say about yourself. Yeah, they have life save drones, they have consultancy, research, prototyping, technical services, electrical design, and there's case studies where they capture crime. Oh marks, we might have to dive into this. This is pretty this is pretty cool, so cool. It's pretty funny. You should see these guys.

9:18 They do not look like they are capturing crime, but you know, it's always it's always behind the scenes. People but listen to this quote. This is about Gary. Okay, I bet you there's a lot of Gary's. Gary at Mark and Walsh was instrumental in developing an innovative prototype solution using low raw wand technology to help deter antisocial behavior at our newly refurbished skate park. So these are the people who are like the psychological masters. How are they? How are they. Deterring anti social behavior at a newly referm bish skate park?

10:01 Like this is some alien futuristic mind control shit. This is this is what the Morgan Walshs are up to. They don't want you to know. I think it's crazy. Like, okay, so my dad does not listen to this podcast because first he told me he didn't get podcasts. On his phone. It's a great excuse. Then he told me he. Doesn't have the app, and then he told me that he just doesn't have mine ours downloaded. So he doesn't listen to this. So this is fine for me to say. My dad is paranoid.

10:43 My dad is absolutely convinced that like the government is tracking every single I know. But like this is so I think I think that I ran out of shampoo and I log onto like my my Amazon to get something, and I swear to God, like a shampoo thing comes up, like they are tracking us. That's just the truth. If I look up something in my computer and then I go on to my phone later ads for the thing that I looked up on my computers. There now I know because we have the same It's more like my computer and my phone are both connected or whatever. But it's so messed up. But this has been so messed up. But I'm always like I always say to my dad, I go just because your paranoid doesn't mean they're not watching you.

11:25 But this is this kind of shit is crazy. I think you should send them a season to sists and say you don't agree with what they're doing. And you don't, they can't use your name. Yeah, as you're hit a patent because you're a. Public you're a public figure. Now you have a hat. It doesn't say, all right, well this was so good. We don't even need to talk about the Joe Newman's this week. We will save all of those fabulous people for next week. Oh my god. So Morgan has been super organized lately, which is something that really impresses me, because organization is something that I've completely given up on. Like I'm not fucking organized. I'm pissed off about organization because if you do it once, it's not done, Like you have to just keep on doing it. It's like going grocery shopping and vacuuming and cleaning out the fridge and raising children and answering emails.

12:15 Like it's just this constant and I just don't have room for it. But Morgan has this outline for our weekly BS and I at the end of it, We're supposed to summarize the key points, give listeners something to reflect on, and I love that. Now I'm supposed to say, so, what did we learn today? You're not supposed to say that. It's a note for you to say, like a recap so that we can end this god awful talk about Morgan, the company of Morgan Wash and go on. You have to do all that. You have to call them. You have to call them. How many teenagers are congregating after dark? Sorry, guys, So what if we learned today?

13:04 I'll tell you what I learned this week as I flow into our last little chat, so Joe and I see and receive a lot of great stories. I saw a story this week that was so fantastic because I related. On it like an exact level. So it was on social somewhere on social, and this girl comes home to her roommate or her. Mom, I can't remember. She's older, so it would be appropriate. She was talking to her mom too, and she comes in and she's recounting her date that evening, and you know when you're like, you're laughing and you can't even get through the story. Basically, she goes on this date, the date sorry, Joe just wrote to me. I thought she was telling me I was doing something wrong. She comes home, she comes home, she's telling her mom about this date that went fantastic, and she was like, oh my god, this is going so well. They had a lot of things in common. They He was talking about the renovations he was doing on his house. She was super interested because I don't know, like she had done renovations on something else or whatever. And at the end of the night, he was a perfect gentleman. At the end of the night, he asks her back to his house and she's like, hell, yeah, I want to come back to the house. I want to make some bad decisions tonight. And she's an adult by the way, she goes back to his house and like, he proceeds to

14:36 walk her from room to room to show her all the renovations. And that was why he asked her back to the house. And she's dying laughing because she thought she was going to, like, you know, get a little bit of loving. But this guy was so pure and genuine. He literally just wanted to show her the renovations of the house. Now, you might say, why do you find that story so funny? Back in my twenties, I had a boyfriend at the time and I had gone out. My boyfriend was working, I was living in Los Angeles and I had gone out with a bunch of friends and this group of friends in southern California, I went out with the Aaron Joe. They were way more party girls than you.

15:16 Like. Morgan was always like, I think, just trying to find the place that made her happy or comfortable at a bar or at a house party. Like you weren't like and you had a boyfriend. I think all these girls were single and like. Ready to mingle and maybe maybe a different headspace. Yeah, it's but I'm very friendly, even though I'm an introvert. When I'm out, very friendly. So we go back to this guy's house and a guy friends not anti social, you guys. So we go back to this guy's house and this guy had a Golden Retriever. Now this was before I got my Golden Retriever, but I grew up with goldens and I fricking love dogs, and. I loved goldens and I really wanted one. And I was obsessed with this dog and probably had a few too many to drink.

15:58 So I keep talking to this guy, Oh my god, your dog, Oh my god. He's so cute, and like I swear, Joe, you know me, I swear in my head. Like I was not flirting. I was just like chatting with this guy. He said. I go, oh my god, I found these puppies there for sale. I'm trying to talk. I didn't say my boyfriend. I said, I'm really I really want one. I want to show you. And he's like, yeah, you can show me. My computer's in my room. And I go, let's go. So we go into his room and he shuts the door and he tries to kiss me. Wait, he was super nice. This wasn't like a thing. But I right away was like in shock. And I go, oh no, no, no, like I have a boyfriend, and he goes, oh, well, why did you come down here?

16:41 And I go, I wanted to show you the puppies on the computer. And I felt so well, I felt bad because I was like, oh, but I also felt like so dumb that this whole time I'm thinking, like we're having a conversation, I'm like talking about his puppies. It was so okay. I wasn't like embarrassed, like we don't I'm so embarrassed. But I was like, oh. We with We were reading the situation so differently and I don't know why, but I saw this story and I go, oh my god, I so relate to this. In those stories. I don't want to say they're super common, but we do. That is such like a crux of human nature. Like Morgan and I were talking about this and I was thinking, how many I mean, bad sitcoms, Like the whole premise of the episode is a misunderstanding.

17:32 Yeah, or a one moment and. Misunderstandings I think are And I'm going to wrap all this up and like bring it all together. Morganson's kind of genius, but you can tell me and Pat me on the back later. But misunderstandings are like the crux of social anxiety because if there's a misunderstanding, then one person thinks one thing and one person thinks another thing. But you always think that you were in the wrong because you didn't understand them, when the truth is is that they also didn't understand you. Yeah, it goes in isto, like the dumbest little thing of Like you know, when somebody's waving and so you wave back, and then you realize they're waving to the person behind you, and.

18:15 So yeah, why it happens all the time? Like why does that make us feel so rejected? Yeah, and it makes us feel stupid, which is like dumb to begin with. So anyway, you guys, the moral of this story is is that if you are a teenager in a skate park after dark somewhere in the UK, they are watching you. The other moral is that anxiety is lonely. It doesn't have to be. So if you, guys, would we have anxiety about the fact that people, the people are downloading us, but they don't like and subscribe and give us all the stars, So that would make us feel a lot better about our day. And you can dm us and tell us how we can make you feel better about your day.

18:59 So this is really what we're here for. You can like, you can subscribe, you can check us out on all the social media's and we're running really funny reruns all summer. And then we would say every Wednesday and then this our weekly BS. So if nobody's. Told you yet, today we love you. We love you guys and sweet dreams, Sweet dreams, and they're watching you. Thanks for listening. If you still can't sleep, why not do some shopping on the small business links at anxiety Addicts, bedtime stories dot com and support some really cool people and don't forget to subscribe and to send us your stories Sweet dreams