June 14, 2025

Nostril Insecurity, Spys And Golden Retrievers...Need We Say More?

Nostril Insecurity, Spys And Golden Retrievers...Need We Say More?
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Morgan's nostril insecurities, Jo's paranoia of mind control in the skate park. I mean, is there anything more entertaining? Join us for this week's BS!

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Jo & Morgan

WEBVTT

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To the restless, the insomniacs, the stressed out, the overwork

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the doom scrollers, the worried, and the board. This is

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for you. Good writing is meant to make you think.

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This is the opposite. Short, funny, and unfortunately true stories

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that have mostly to do with nothing to help you

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turn off your brain and turn on your ram. All

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names have been changed to protect the guilty. These are

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anxiety addicts bedtime stories.

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Good afternoon, good evening, good whenever you listen to us.

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Maybe it's three o'clock in the morning and you just

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got up to pee, but then you remembered an appointment

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that you made like seven months ago, completely forgot about,

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and now it's going to screw up your entire day.

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But you can't do anything about it because it's three

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o'clock in the morning, and now good luck getting back

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to sleep. We are anxiety addicts bedtime stories.

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I'm Just and I'm Morgan, and this is where we

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take stories.

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From all over the Internet, all over our followers, all

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over our dms, and all over our personal memory hell

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and turn them into twenty minute bedtime tales to help

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you take your mind off of whatever's bothering you and

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let you focus on somebody else's insane, embarrassing, ridiculous mishaps,

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and then we can all laugh about it together.

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You know, Joe, I always laugh when you and I

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you were first talking about anxiety addicts and me coming on,

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and we both agreed. We always felt so much relief

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when we would both talk about our anxieties together, like,

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oh no, I felt that way before. And I really

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think that our community and anxiety addicts just as that

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we take really shitty situations and say, we've all fucking

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been there.

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We're all stressing.

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Let's laugh at each other because you know, I'm sitting

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here now in front of a frickin' camera like stressing

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a well, my nostril size, because now this is what

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I do, is I stare in the.

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Mirror, Morgan not.

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I know this is gonna come to a shock as

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a shock to you, but not everybody knows about your

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nostril size. Would you like to tell them what's going

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on here in at dark corners of Morgan Ryan Walsh's mind.

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So every week Joe makes me record myself.

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I'm just joking. I'm here voluntarily, that's part of the contract.

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I link blink twice if you need.

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To be read, and I always would have my computer

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as of last week, you guys can go look and

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you could like, you know, my face was more of

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like at an angle, And every time I would go

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edit these things, I'm like, what the fuck is wrong

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with my nose? Like I have two different sized nostrils.

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I'm forty two years old, and I've never seen this

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flaw in myself before. I've seen all the other ones,

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but this is a new one. And now I find

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myself falling asleep to thinking if there's like a plast

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surgery where you can have your nostrils match. Like even

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when I go like this, this one looks smaller than

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this one.

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Do you see?

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Yeah, and Morgan, I spend a lot of time staring

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at your face, and yes, this is definitely something I

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have never noticed.

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But now it's the only thing I can see when I'm.

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Now I also find myself looking at other people's nostrils

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during the day or when I'm watching other podcasts.

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I'm like, now astrals.

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Look right now. It's a fixation.

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So now that you're fixated on this, the question is

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what percentage of the population do you think has asymmetrical nostrils.

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You know what, guys, just let's join the club together

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and let me know how successful and how wonderful your

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life is thinking that somebody, as myself I suffer from this.

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I don't know what the exact ailment is, but let's

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call it asymmetrical nostrilitis, folks.

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Asymmetrical nostril itis a session Latin word. No, no, no obsessionaty.

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And now I have a really hard time doing this.

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I almost rather turn the camera off and talk because

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I I I the hot today.

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We live in a world where you have to share

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your face if you want anybody to listen to your

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words more. When you have a cold, are you better

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off if the bigger nostril is not clogged?

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Like?

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Is this effect? Does this affect your existence?

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Guys?

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This is a new anxiety. This was just discovered, like

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I don't know, three weeks ago.

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Can you breathe the same out of both of them?

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Yes?

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And I suffer from the allergies too, And this is

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never something that I've noticed before, but test it.

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Close one off, take a breath, and then close the

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other one off. Although actually I don't have.

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A deva and in septum I did go to a

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nose doctor. I do not have a deviated septum. I

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know this because my husband does. They can't even like

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see up one of his nostrils. But yeah, you know what,

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this people's show is giving me new anxieties and to

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get back to the boy.

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It always makes me feel better.

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All of you guys dming and writing to us and

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talking about what you guys suffer from, what you guys

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have anxieties about. I mean, maybe it's aliens in the

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in the ocean, maybe it's getting on an elevator.

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Whatever it is.

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It makes me feel less lonely. And I realized that God,

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if I just talk about it, I don't need to

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feel as lonely about my nostrils.

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And since we have no medical, psychological, sociological, or any

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other ogical training, we are not here to fix your anxiety.

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We're just here to share stories about it. I think

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that that disclaimer is really fucking important. Since Morgan majored

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in political science and I went to acting school, I

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think it.

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Is really really important because we don't want to fix

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even our own problems.

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We kind of like riding the wave of whatever we're doing.

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I mean, we've made it kind of like we're doing

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okay life, Like I found someone to marry me, I

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have kids.

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Joe found somebody to marry her. She has kids. Because

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that's the level of success, right Joe.

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Yes, I think that that's how we should all measure our.

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Worth on this planet.

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I'm in therapy twice a week, so I don't know

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if you should throw me on the top of the

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success food chain here, but here we are.

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But anyways, we are thriving. I think thriving is the

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correct word.

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And yeah, it's nice to form a little community and

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have us find some humor in the stresses and the

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anxieties of life. So Joe and I every week love

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to go on the internet and find our name dopplgators.

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I don't know if.

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That's like the correct term for it, but we'd love

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to see what the other Joe's and Morgan's or Ryan's

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and I can't remember your middle name and Newman's and

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Walsh's are doing around the world. Unfortunately, this week I

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don't have one because got where are you? Okay, I

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know there's a lot of Morgans, but Morgan, Ryan's or

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Morgan Walsh's there. I get no notifications and so if

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you are somebody with that shares Ryan Walsh even I'll

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even have you on it as a guest. I would

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love to know what you're doing.

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But I'm kind of surprised by that Morgan's because it's

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not like your name is Christina Aguilera, where that's like, okay,

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maybe there's not a lot of those like that seems

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I feel.

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Like Christina is more of a common name though.

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Aguilera, well, she's from the nineties.

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We couldn't even say it.

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But Aguilera, what is She's from South America? I don't.

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I think she's Argentinian. So I think in Argentina or

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wherever she's from, I could be super common name.

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That's a super common name. Like here, like Baldi, my

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husband's last name. You would be like, well, who's Baldi.

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Well it's a very common Italian last name, or you

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know Mastra Angelo.

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Right, I guess I just I think so.

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When Morgan was born all those years ago, Morgan was

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not a popular name all and now maybe it's because

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I live out in the West, but I feel like

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I know so many twenty five year olds with the

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name Morgan, so it had a resurgence twenty years after

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you were born.

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But there's no news because our alerts go into newsworthy

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content and there's no which I'm sorry Morgan's That doesn't

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mean that you're not doing anything important. But if you

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go on Instagram or TikTok and you type in Morgan,

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there's a ton But I don't know how to stalk

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them and figure out exactly.

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What they're doing. We did want because they, you know.

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Were public figures roller skating around a hot dog stand,

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which is fabulous.

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But anyways, guys hit me up.

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So okay, So there is actually a company called Morgan

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Walsh Money Saving It Solutions.

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Have you found Morganwalsh dot co slash uk.

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They solve problems with technology, which is I think hilarious

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because not anything you would probably say about yourself. Yeah,

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they have life save drones, they have consultancy, research, prototyping,

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technical services, electrical design, and there's case studies where they

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capture crime.

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Oh marks, we might have to dive into this.

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This is pretty this is pretty cool, so cool.

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It's pretty funny. You should see these guys.

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They do not look like they are capturing crime, but

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you know, it's always it's always behind the scenes. People

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but listen to this quote. This is about Gary. Okay,

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I bet you there's a lot of Gary's. Gary at

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Mark and Walsh was instrumental in developing an innovative prototype

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solution using low raw wand technology to help deter antisocial

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behavior at our newly refurbished skate park. So these are

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the people who are like the psychological masters.

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How are they?

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How are they.

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Deterring anti social behavior at a newly referm bish skate park?

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Like this is some alien futuristic mind control shit. This

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is this is what the Morgan Walshs are up to.

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They don't want you to know. I think it's crazy. Like, okay,

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so my dad does not listen to this podcast because

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first he told me he didn't get podcasts.

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On his phone.

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It's a great excuse. Then he told me he.

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Doesn't have the app, and then he told me that

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he just doesn't have mine ours downloaded.

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So he doesn't listen to this. So this is fine

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for me to say. My dad is paranoid.

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My dad is absolutely convinced that like the government is

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tracking every single I know.

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But like this is so I think I think that

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I ran out of shampoo and I log onto like

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my my Amazon to get something, and I swear to God,

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like a shampoo thing comes up, like they are tracking us.

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That's just the truth.

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If I look up something in my computer and then

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I go on to my phone later ads for the

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thing that I looked up on my computers. There now

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I know because we have the same It's more like

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my computer and my phone are both connected or whatever.

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But it's so messed up.

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But this has been so messed up.

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But I'm always like I always say to my dad,

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I go just because your paranoid doesn't mean they're not

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watching you.

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But this is this kind of shit is crazy.

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I think you should send them a season to sists

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and say you don't agree with what they're doing.

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And you don't, they can't use your name.

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Yeah, as you're hit a patent because you're a.

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Public you're a public figure. Now you have a hat.

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It doesn't say, all right, well this was so good.

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We don't even need to talk about the Joe Newman's

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this week. We will save all of those fabulous people

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for next week.

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Oh my god.

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So Morgan has been super organized lately, which is something

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that really impresses me, because organization is something that I've

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completely given up on. Like I'm not fucking organized. I'm

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pissed off about organization because if you do it once,

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it's not done, Like you have to just keep on

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doing it. It's like going grocery shopping and vacuuming and

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cleaning out the fridge and raising children and answering emails.

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Like it's just this constant and I just don't have

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room for it. But Morgan has this outline for our

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weekly BS and I at the end of it, We're

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supposed to summarize the key points, give listeners something to

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reflect on, and I love that.

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Now I'm supposed to say, so, what did we learn today?

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You're not supposed to say that. It's a note for

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you to say, like a recap so that we can

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end this god awful talk about Morgan, the company of

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Morgan Wash and go on.

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You have to do all that. You have to call them.

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You have to call them. How many teenagers are congregating

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after dark? Sorry, guys, So what if we learned today?

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I'll tell you what I learned this week as I

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flow into our last little chat, so Joe and I

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see and receive a lot of great stories. I saw

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a story this week that was so fantastic because I related.

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On it like an exact level.

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So it was on social somewhere on social, and this

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girl comes home to her roommate or her.

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Mom, I can't remember. She's older, so it would be appropriate.

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She was talking to her mom too, and she comes

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in and she's recounting her date that evening, and you

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know when you're like, you're laughing and you can't even

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get through the story. Basically, she goes on this date,

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the date sorry, Joe just wrote to me. I thought

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she was telling me I was doing something wrong. She

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comes home, she comes home, she's telling her mom about

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this date that went fantastic, and she was like, oh

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my god, this is going so well. They had a

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lot of things in common. They He was talking about

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the renovations he was doing on his house. She was

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super interested because I don't know, like she had done

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renovations on something else or whatever. And at the end

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of the night, he was a perfect gentleman. At the

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end of the night, he asks her back to his

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house and she's like, hell, yeah, I want to come

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back to the house. I want to make some bad

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decisions tonight. And she's an adult by the way, she

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goes back to his house and like, he proceeds to

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walk her from room to room to show her all

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the renovations. And that was why he asked her back

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to the house. And she's dying laughing because she thought

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she was going to, like, you know, get a little

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bit of loving. But this guy was so pure and genuine.

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He literally just wanted to show her the renovations of

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the house. Now, you might say, why do you find

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that story so funny? Back in my twenties, I had

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a boyfriend at the time and I had gone out.

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My boyfriend was working, I was living in Los Angeles

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and I had gone out with a bunch of friends

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and this group of friends in southern California, I went

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out with the Aaron Joe.

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They were way more party girls than you.

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Like.

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Morgan was always like, I think, just trying to find

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the place that made her happy or comfortable at a

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bar or at a house party. Like you weren't like

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and you had a boyfriend.

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I think all these girls were single and like.

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Ready to mingle and maybe maybe a different headspace.

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Yeah, it's but I'm very friendly, even though I'm an introvert.

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When I'm out, very friendly.

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So we go back to this guy's house and a

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guy friends not anti social, you guys.

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So we go back to this guy's house and this

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guy had a Golden Retriever. Now this was before I

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got my Golden Retriever, but I grew up with goldens

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and I fricking love dogs, and.

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I loved goldens and I really wanted one.

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And I was obsessed with this dog and probably had

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a few too many to drink.

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So I keep talking to this guy, Oh my god,

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your dog, Oh my god.

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He's so cute, and like I swear, Joe, you know me,

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I swear in my head.

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Like I was not flirting. I was just like chatting

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with this guy. He said.

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I go, oh my god, I found these puppies there

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for sale. I'm trying to talk. I didn't say my boyfriend.

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I said, I'm really I really want one. I want

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to show you. And he's like, yeah, you can show me.

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My computer's in my room. And I go, let's go.

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So we go into his room and he shuts the

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door and he tries to kiss me. Wait, he was

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super nice. This wasn't like a thing. But I right

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away was like in shock. And I go, oh no, no, no,

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like I have a boyfriend, and he goes, oh, well,

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why did you come down here?

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And I go, I wanted to show you the puppies

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on the computer.

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And I felt so well, I felt bad because I

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was like, oh, but I also felt like so dumb

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that this whole time I'm thinking, like we're having a conversation,

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I'm like talking about his puppies.

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It was so okay. I wasn't like embarrassed, like we

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00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:04.279
don't I'm so embarrassed. But I was like, oh.

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We with We were reading the situation so differently and

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I don't know why, but I saw this story and

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I go, oh my god, I so relate to this.

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In those stories.

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I don't want to say they're super common, but we do.

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That is such like a crux of human nature. Like

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Morgan and I were talking about this and I was thinking,

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how many I mean, bad sitcoms, Like the whole premise

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of the episode is a misunderstanding.

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Yeah, or a one moment and.

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Misunderstandings I think are And I'm going to wrap all

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this up and like bring it all together. Morganson's kind

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of genius, but you can tell me and Pat me

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on the back later. But misunderstandings are like the crux

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of social anxiety because if there's a misunderstanding, then one

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00:17:54.920 --> 00:17:57.759
person thinks one thing and one person thinks another thing.

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But you always think that you were in the wrong

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because you didn't understand them, when the truth is is

359
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that they also didn't understand you.

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Yeah, it goes in isto, like the dumbest little thing

361
00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:10.640
of Like you know, when somebody's waving and so you

362
00:18:10.720 --> 00:18:12.400
wave back, and then you realize they're waving to the

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person behind you, and.

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So yeah, why it happens all the time? Like why

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does that make us feel so rejected?

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Yeah, and it makes us feel stupid, which is like

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dumb to begin with.

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So anyway, you guys, the moral of this story is

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is that if you are a teenager in a skate

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park after dark somewhere in the UK, they are watching you.

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The other moral is that anxiety is lonely. It doesn't

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have to be. So if you, guys, would we have

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00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:49.319
anxiety about the fact that people, the people are downloading us,

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00:18:49.319 --> 00:18:51.440
but they don't like and subscribe and give us all

375
00:18:51.480 --> 00:18:53.920
the stars, So that would make us feel a lot

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00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:56.200
better about our day. And you can dm us and

377
00:18:56.240 --> 00:18:58.039
tell us how we can make you feel better about

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00:18:58.039 --> 00:18:58.519
your day.

379
00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:01.839
So this is really what we're here for.

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00:19:02.279 --> 00:19:04.440
You can like, you can subscribe, you can check us

381
00:19:04.440 --> 00:19:07.279
out on all the social media's and we're running really

382
00:19:07.319 --> 00:19:10.640
funny reruns all summer. And then we would say every

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00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:13.279
Wednesday and then this our weekly BS.

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So if nobody's.

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00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:16.759
Told you yet, today we love you.

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We love you guys and sweet dreams, Sweet dreams, and

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00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:21.599
they're watching you.

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00:19:26.200 --> 00:19:29.640
Thanks for listening. If you still can't sleep, why not

389
00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:33.839
do some shopping on the small business links at anxiety Addicts,

390
00:19:33.880 --> 00:19:37.599
bedtime stories dot com and support some really cool people

391
00:19:37.880 --> 00:19:40.519
and don't forget to subscribe and to send us your

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stories Sweet dreams