Aug. 10, 2025

RAD RERUN!!! It's Not The Shorts

RAD RERUN!!! It's Not The Shorts

What if your job forbid you from social media because they were paranoid you'd post something innapropriate?

And then, what if the most innappropriate thing EVER happens? And then there is a photo. And THEN------

Ok, this is one of our absolute favorites. Please, please enjoy this absolutely fabulous and true story laying down Murphy's Law... What can go wrong... will.

๐ŸŒˆ Lost your EarPods? Procrastinating at your computer? Hate the sound of Jo's voice? Then you're in luck!

๐Ÿ€ All episodes are available for your reading pleasure at www.anxietyaddictsbedtimestories.com

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โœ๏ธ How does it work?

๐Ÿ‘€ Is it annoying?

๐Ÿ‘ฎ Will the cops find me? You send three short sentences and we do the rest. It's less annoying than anything else in your inbox. And we change all names and identifying characteristics so the only thing knocking on your door after midnight is hopefully someone you invited.

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Need a 90-second life break to make you laugh and forget about the real world for an entire minute? Put your email in here for a good time: https://www.anxietyaddictsbedtimestories.com/Sweet dreams...xoxo

Jo & Morgan

WEBVTT

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To the restless, the insomniacs, the stressed out, the overwork

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the doom scrollers, the worried, and the board. This is

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for you. Good writing is meant to make you think.

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This is the opposite. Sure funny and unfortunately true stories

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that have mostly to do with nothing to help you

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turn off your brain and turn on your ram. All

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names have been changed to protect the guilty. These are

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anxiety addicts bedtime stories.

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Hey guys, Joe here, Thank you, thank you, thank you

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for sending in these fantastic stories. I'm especially excited about

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sharing this one about well, you know, we'll call them Justin.

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We change all the names and identifying characteristics, so there's

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no point in googling this dude at the end, even

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though you will definitely want to, let me introduce you

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to the man who owns this especially entertaining tale. Justin

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was born in Minneapolis to a chaotic family, and he

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survived by following every rule he ever encountered. Justin did

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not run on the concrete deck at the public pool.

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He never went to bed without brushing his teeth. He

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was five minutes early to every class, job, interview, and

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social engagement. He became a CPA for a large firm,

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and for ten straight years never clocked out a minute early,

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even though he probably should have. He missed out on

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a lot of fun parties over the years. As his

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firm worked for the government and social media was strictly forbidden.

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His company's leadership was terrified that one of their employees

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would be photographed in a compromising position and that they'd

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be ruined by the scandal. So Justin was a man

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who wore pleated dockers every day, didn't get to engage

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with friends on Facebook, and every year of his adult

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life had looked exactly like the year before it. And

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then he met Bianca, and everything changed. She was a

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free spirit. She showed up at the airport without a

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ticket or a clue where she was going. She raised

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chickens in the backyard of her little suburban neighborhood outside

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of the city. She could wear a tied die and

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actually make it look hot. He was smitten, and Beanca

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saw something in Justin, even though he couldn't. She called

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it his wild thing, just like in the children's book,

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and she swore that she would help him find it.

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It was Bianca who convinced him to quit his job. Truthfully,

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she wasn't even entirely sure what he did, since every

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time he attempted to explain his occupation, she fell asleep.

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Bianca didn't exactly have the bandwidth for middle management. Once

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the quitting was done and Justin had his panic attacks

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under control, they booked two round trip tickets to India.

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Justin purchased every photos and Lonely Planet guidebook that he

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could find. He googled travel hacks for India and bought

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freeze dried snacks, iodine tablets for his water, and two

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sunshirts from Patagonia since he had a family history of melanoma.

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Amid his obsessive packing, Bianca popped over with an idea.

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She carried a hiking backpack in one hand and a

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bottle of prosecco in the other. Justin looked up at

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his girlfriend, who often looked like a mermaid who just

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found her way to land. Bianca gestured to her backpack,

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what if we brought like nothing? Justin gave his mermaid

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girlfriend a look. Think about it. A smile began to

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spread across her face. We each bring two shirts and

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two pairs of shorts, toiletries, and literally nothing else. It'll

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be so freeing, so light. We won't care if our

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stuff gets stolen. We'll be totally mobile. We can go anywhere,

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and if we don't have anything or any luggage, it

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will be such an adventure. Justin looked around at his

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carefully labeled purchases for this wild trip, and then he

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looked at Bianca. And then he walked over to his closet,

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pulled out a small backpack, two pairs of workout shorts,

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two soccer jerseys, and tossed the clothes down on his

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bed with a smile. He'd already decided to wear the

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sun shirt on the plane. Nestled into their economy plus seats,

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Bianca had upgraded them with her miles. Bianca snapped photo

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after photo of her boyfriend eating his travel guide, ordering

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Bloody Mary's, and laughing as someone's mini Schnauzer therapy dog

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fell asleep on his thigh and started to drool. At first,

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Justin was so uncomfortable. He hadn't been in a photo

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in a decade. His company had strict rules about how

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their employees represented them, and of course, as we know,

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Justin followed rules. You have to cover your shoulders at

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all the religious monuments, Justin told Bianca, looking up from

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his book, and as a foreign woman, you have to

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be very mindful of not standing out and just fitting in.

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Some of these cities are a bit dangerous, and Bianca

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cut him off, putting her tanned hand on his leg.

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She had learned that move as a foolproof way to

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get Justin to stop talking. We're gonna be fine, she giggled.

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We will not stand out, We will be respectful tourists

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and blendon seamlessly, and no crazy pictures of you will

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wind up on the internet. She took a long, hard

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look at the man who she was definitely falling for.

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Even though it doesn't matter anymore, Justin wanted to protest

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that it might matter to his next employer, whomever that

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would be, but the look on Bianca's face made him

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pause and just sort of inhale. The moment landing in

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Mumbai was absolute chaos. The heat at the city felt

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like walking straight into a wall of solid sunshine. They

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both changed into their athletic shirts and felt pumped to

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start their adventure. Then they got to skip the baggage

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claim and hop on a local bus since they essentially

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had nothing with them. When they got to their first hotel,

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there was a sign that this trip might not go

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exactly as they had planned. In the check in line

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at the hotel, Justin swore he noticed various locals looking

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at him and pointing and whispering. He was worried about

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his shorts. These are too casual, he whispered to his girlfriend.

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I should have brought my khakis. Everyone is staring at

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my shorts. You're being paranoid, shrugged Bianca. We'll get to

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our room, shower and drink a lot of water. I'm

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sure we're both dehydrated. Side note, Bianca always thought dehydration

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was the cause of any person's ailment, no matter the situation.

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Shower and hydrate they did, and then went off to explore.

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They pushed through the bustling crowds at an outdoor market,

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took a rickshaw to a famous temple, and ate incredible

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street food. While sitting on their backpacks in a local park.

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Justin couldn't shake the feeling that people were smiling and

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pointing at him. Bianca was beginning to wonder how big

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a part of his personality this paranoia was, and briefly

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wondered if she'd read him totally wrong. Then she got

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her answer. Two local teenage boys holding an iPhone cautiously

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made their way over to the couple sitting by the

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park fountains. They offered two huge smiles, and then with

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some broken but understandable English, asked Justin a question, you

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are the cricket player. Uh okay, Now the last six

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hours made a little more sense. Justin was in great shape,

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a white dude, and was, for all intents and purposes,

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dressed like a cricket player. And those were the only

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clothes he had. It was kind of the shorts. He

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felt sorry for disappointing these two young men. No, not me,

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he replied. The teenager smiled at him as if they

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were in on the joke. Oh, yes, not you. Of course,

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we take a picture. The taller one reached out his

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armed take a selfie. Justin tried to protest, but they

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were having none of it. He put his arm around

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the two guys, let them snap a photo, and then

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sat back down to finish his lunch with Bianca. Unfortunately,

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it was a crowded park and one hundred people had

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witnessed this transaction, and now a hundred people wanted a

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photo with a cricket player who was not even really

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a cricket player, and somehow Justin and Bianca couldn't even

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get the name of who everyone thought he was. So

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for the next forty minutes, Justin felt like fiance. He

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posed with old people and young people and schoolgirls and

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guys in their twenties, dripping in fake gucci. Some would

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take off his sunglasses and wear them themselves for the pose.

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At first, Bianca was pretty entertained, and then she got

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pretty annoyed, and then she yelled at the or so

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people still waiting in line that her boyfriend needed to

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take a break and rest before the next match. The

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cricket fans seemed to understand this logic, and they dispersed

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for long enough for the couple to get out of

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the park and continue on their list of sight seeing

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kind of. They went from one attraction to another, from

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fun chy cafes to colorful temples, and at each in

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every stop, hundreds of people clamored for a selfie with Justin.

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What had started out as a gas for the couple

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was now turning into a real pain in the ass.

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That night, lying in bed on purple linen sheets, Bianca

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rolled over to Justin and suggested that they get out

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of the city soon, go somewhere less populated, try the mountains,

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and actually relax a bit and be together. Justin wholeheartedly agreed,

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musing about how many people's social media accounts he would

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be making a guest appearance on. They settled into their

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incense scented pillows and fell asleep to the sounds of

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the night life of the city below three days of

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exploring later. For their trip, Justin made sure to wear

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his hat, sunglasses, and Patagonia sunshirt, even though it was

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ninety degrees at nine a m. They made it from rickshat,

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a bus to another rickshat, and a three mile hike

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before they found themselves at the mountain side bath house.

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The place took their breath away. There were gardens populated

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by the most colorful flowers that either one of them

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had ever seen, Manicured pathways meandered into the mountain side

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over small bridges with clear streams, and a natural hot

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spring steaming out of the rock. It was gorgeous. Bianca

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remarked to Justin, this is probably the most relaxing place

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we've ever been. But Justin's face wasn't relaxed. He wasn't

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taking in the soft sounds of the water or the

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fragrant air of the garden. His forehead was pinched and

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his eyes heavy, like a man who both hadn't slept

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and carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

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Bianca put her hand on his chest, stopping him before

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they entered the spa. Justin, come on, what's the deal

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with you? Justin didn't want to ruin this incredible experience

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for Bianca. He truly wanted to be able to let

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go and enjoy this magical time together. But as he

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laid in bed last night, instead of counting sheep, he

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counted selfie's. He imagined his face all over Facebook India

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with thousands, if not tens of thousands of eyes on

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his image. He imagined picture after picture being pulled up

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on a desktop monitor every time he applied for a

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job downtown in the financial district. He imagined that his

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life as he knew it was over. He paused, took

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a deep inhale, and tried to exhale all of these

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anxieties out to his patient, strong and loving girlfriend. At

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the end of his diatribe, he avoided her eyes sheepishly.

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She probably thought that he was a guy without any

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real adventure, and that wasn't the case. He'd just never

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had real freedom in his life before. He'd never had

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physical freedom, or financial freedom, or freedom and love. And

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here he was with all of those pieces, and yet

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he could not complete his own puzzle. Bianca wrapped her

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arms around her worried lover, but she offered quietly, all

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of the photos will be tagged with some other guy's name.

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In a way, it wasn't even you there in India.

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It was your cricket playing sunglass wearing alter ego, and

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your alter ego can do anything. Justin looked at his girlfriend,

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and as he'll tell anyone twenty years later, that's when

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he swore that he would do whatever it took to

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marry her. When they checked into the spa, the manager

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pointed Bianca to the direction of the women's spot to

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the right and Justin to the men's spot to the left.

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They were confused until they separately settled into their mountainside

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hot spring's bath and noticed that the property was fully nude.

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Bianca later head back and took a moment to completely

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bliss out in the pool on the left side of

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the mountain. Justin tried to do the same. He was

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just counting his breaths, like his most recent self help

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book had suggested. When he noticed out of the corner

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of his eye a young man inching closer and closer

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to him. Justin continued counting, seventy three, seventy four, seventy.

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Mister Justin opened his eyes to a fit young man

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of no more than twenty staring right at him. You

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play cricket. Justin's immediate reaction was the same, no, to

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take a small towel, cover his nether regions and go

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find a private pool, or a shower or a tree

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to hide in. But then he had a fleeting thought,

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what would his alter ego do? Would his alter ego

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hide in shame? Would he cower in the face of discomfort?

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And Justin decided right then and there that the alter

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ego was the one whom Bianca would be most likely

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to marry, and he was going to have to make

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room for that in his life. He lifted up his sunglasses,

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unbeknownst to him, looking even more like the very famous

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cricket player, and smiled at the man. He felt his

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heart pounding in his chest. Why not because he was

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about to take a picture with a stranger while impersonating

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a celebrity. No, he'd done that one hundred times leading

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up to the moment. Because he was totally naked with

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the stranger. No, that wasn't it either. His heart was

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jackhammering because he was a about to unleash a piece

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of himself that he'd spent his entire life avoiding. Justin

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was going to be a man who didn't worry, who

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welcomed a mistake or a wrong move. He was going

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to uncover the part of himself who actually enjoyed taking

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risks and making decisions where the outcome hadn't been pre

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planned on an Excel spreadsheet. Justin was twenty nine, but

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he was about to become a man using a hand

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with nails bitten down from his anxious worrying. He gestured

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for the young man to come over and smiled the

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most genuine smile of his trip. He felt exhilarated and lighter,

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and sat taller in the steaming water, even though he

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was only thirty seconds into his transformation. He liked this

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new Justin. And that's when the young man through some

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actually very good English insisted on another photo. Now we

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stand up. He smiled and shook his head up and

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down quite rapidly, as if he could force the cricket

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player to rise to his feet just by the smiling

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of the man's chin. Justin's heart beat increased again. He

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felt the blood dream from his sunscreened, whitened face. He

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did not want to stand buck ass naked with the

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stranger in the middle of a mountain pool on a

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cliff in India. Who is he kidding? He was meant

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to be in a cubicle and loafers, eating a Panera

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sandwich for lunch. No, you aren't, a voice deep in

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his head growled. Those days are over for all you know.

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This could be your last month, your last week, hell,

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your last day on this planet, living this life, and

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you get to choose who you want to be. The

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voice startled Justin. He'd never heard it before. Maybe moments earlier,

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he'd open the door to this other side of him,

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and it had pushed its wild thing head through and

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was now going to take over his personality. Justin felt

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his body tense up, but then it immediately released. He

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was okay with us. He was going to let the

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wild thing take over and see what happened. So he

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stood up in the shallow bath, his schloing out for

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the world to see. The selfie was snapped. And now

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the man from Minneapolis who'd never even posed for a

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birthday picture in an outback steakhouse, had a full frontal

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nude for anyone with a computer to see. But it worked.

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The wild thing had found the light. Bianca was right

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all along. The two left Minneapolis for the mountains. They

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lived in a cabin heated by nothing but a wood stove.

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Bianca started a business taking care of vacation rentals, and

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her work thrived immediately. Justin learned that he loved working

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with his hands. He began by helping Bianca take care

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of the odd wood working job, and then his skill

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set snowballed. Two years later he had his own booming

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construction company, and he built the pergola where he put

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a ring on her finger and asked her to be

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his wife. And now he climbs mountains, he skydives, and

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he doesn't run for fear of his life when someone

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pulls out a camera. And yeah, he's googled the cricket

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player a lot. It's sort of his thing every couple

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of months, and Bianca sees him do it, but he's

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never found the picture of his own venus, and she

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pretends she doesn't know he's looking for it. After twenty

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years of marriage, it's their only secret.

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Thanks for listening. If you still can't sleep, why not

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